


Behind Blue Eyes

by flewintotheice



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Gen, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 20:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/691240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flewintotheice/pseuds/flewintotheice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee Adama sits with his possibly dying father and reflects. (Takes place just after Kobol's Last Gleaming, Season 1)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind Blue Eyes

  
/No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------  
/

No one knows how it feels to be me today.

I started off the day by sparring with my dad, getting in a couple of  
good hits here and there, listening to the old man as his breathing grew  
harder and more ragged. I thought he was slowing down. But he got in a  
really good hit that knocked me on my ass. He says I don’t lose control.  
I don’t think he’d say that now.

I argued with Kara. I actually hit her! How could I have done that to a  
woman who is not only my best friend and my best pilot, but someone I  
love dearly even if I never can seem to find the right time to tell her  
that? I was jealous. Hell yes, I was jealous. I can’t stand Baltar. He’s  
a worm of a man and he actually had his hands on my Kara? I should kill  
the man… oh wait, I can’t do that. He’s stuck down there on Kobol which  
is probably swarming with Cylons now. And Kara’s gone.

I held a gun to Saul’s head today. I threatened to shoot a man who has  
known me since I was a child and is my father’s best and closest friend.  
What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t let him start a shoot out with the  
President’s guards, could I? I know Dad was pissed that the President  
had somehow managed to turn Kara against us, but that was no reason for  
him to storm her ship and send armed troops in to capture her as if she  
were a danger to us. No, the only danger to us besides the Cylons is Tom  
Zarek. I bet he’ll have a field day with this once the word gets out.

I watched a pilot shoot my father. I watched his blood spill all over  
the console table while Saul held the wounds with his bare hands and I  
held his head in mine. Dee took one lifeless hand in her own and prayed  
to the Gods for their mercy. All I could think of was, he’s going to die  
thinking I hate him. He’s going to die thinking Kara’s dead. He’s going  
to die and there isn’t a damn thing we can do to stop it from happening…

\------------------------------------------------------------------------  
/But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free

No one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings  
Like I do  
And I blame you

\------------------------------------------------------------------------  
/

I sit here at his bedside, holding his hand in mine, watching him sleep,  
hearing the beeps from the machines that surround him and keep him  
alive. The doctor says he’ll live, but right now, just looking at him, I  
have to wonder how much he actually lived since Zak’s death. I wonder  
how much any of us have lived since that day.

I flash back to two nights ago, the Colonial Day celebration, when I saw  
Kara sitting at the bar in that dress that was just… perfect. The way  
her hair framed her face and the way her eyes seemed to sparkle with  
life. I remember the way she felt in my arms as we danced. It was so  
perfect. It was so right…

\------------------------------------------------------------------------  
/No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------  
/

And now, I find myself in the brig. Dad’s awake and alive but not saying  
very much. He still has a tube in his throat to help him breath. Saul  
let me see him a couple of times but not for very long. The president is  
down here with me, but we don’t speak.

No one knows what it’s like to be me. What it’s like to be the mutineer;  
what it’s like to be the son who survived; what it’s like to be the one  
left behind. Behind my eyes there’s a world of hurt…

And I blame you, Kara, for leaving me this way…


End file.
